I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
