Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
