life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
