I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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