life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
