Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
