The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
