Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
