she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
