when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize