I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
