After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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