Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
