Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize