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• (313): View more from Michigan

  hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work

  Fav 4 2245 1957

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.

  Fav 23 2758 933

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  so then she threw up in his asshole

  (1-231): View more from Michigan

  yep..that'll do it.

  Fav 15 915 4746

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• (904): View more from Florida

  i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.

  Fav 13 6589 1202

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  Fav 104 9039 1647

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Fav 31 9358 1965

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• (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

  Fav 21 2439 838

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.

  Fav 7 2299 762

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• (585): View more from New York

  You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.

  Fav 4 682 410

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see

  Fav 1 1045 618

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.

  Fav 1 638 379

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• (310): View more from California

  I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.

  Fav 3 395 586

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.

  (914): View more from New York

  That may have had to do with you chugging it

  Fav 0 41 20

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis

  Fav 0 84 8

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.

  Fav 0 139 8

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