Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
