life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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