he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my being single is dangerous.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
