I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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