They should really pass out barf bags in church
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
