Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
