96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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