You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
