DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
