So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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