someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
