im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
