we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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