i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
