Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
