last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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