and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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