Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
