would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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