well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
