textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
