I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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