What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
