Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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