Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
