remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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