please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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