So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
