It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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