my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
