my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
