Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
