I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
