remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
