The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
