chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
