You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
