My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
