just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
