My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
