I bet he comes in French.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
