I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
