Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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