so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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