ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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