His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
