My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My vagina is very pro this idea
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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