C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize