he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
