drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
