I feel great
I just peed on a car
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
