In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
