Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize