So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
