Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
