I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
pray to the hookup gods
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
