No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize