its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
