I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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