Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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