i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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