I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
