I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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