you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Farmville is her only friend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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