Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
